The plots in that kingdom are usually the workmanship
of those persons who desire to raise their own characters.
GULLIVER EXPLAINS CONSPIRACIES
It is first agreed and settled among them,
what suspected persons shall be accused of a plot.
PART 3, CHAPTER 6 - Gulliver visits the Academy of Science at Lagado, the capital of Balnibarbi:
...Another Professor shewed me a large Paper of Instructions for discovering Plots and Conspiracies against the Governments. He advised great Statesmen to examine into the Dyet of all suspected Persons; their times of eating; upon which side they lay in Bed; with which hand they wiped their Posteriors; take a strict View of their Excrements, and from the Colour, the Odour, the Taste, the Consistence, the Crudeness, or Maturity of Digestion, form a Judgement of their Thoughts and Designs. Because Men are never so Serious, Thoughtful, and Intent, as when they are at Stool, which he found by frequent Experiment: For in such Conjunctures, when he used meerly as a Trial to consider which was the best way of murdering the King, his Ordure would have A Tincture of Green, but quite different when he thought only of raising an Insurrection or burning the Metropolis.
The whole Discourse was written with great Acuteness, containing many Observations both curious and useful for Politicians, but as I conceived not altogether compleat. This I ventured to tell the Author, and offered if he pleased to supply him with some Additions. He received my Proposition with more Compliance than is usual among Writers, especially those of the projecting Species, professing he would be glad to receive farther Information.
I told him, that in the Kingdom of Tribnia, by the Natives called Langden, where I had long sojourned, the Bulk of the People consisted wholly of Discoverers, Witnesses, Informers, Accusers, Prosecutors, Evidences, Swearers; together with their several subservient and subaltern Instruments; all under the Colours, the Conduct, and pay of Ministers, and their deputies. The Plots in that Kingdom are usually the Workmanship of those Persons who desire to raise their own Characters of profound Politicians; to restore new Vigor to a crazy Administration; to stifle or divert general Discontents; to fill their Coffers with Forfeitures; and raise or sink the Opinion of publick Credit, as either shall best answer their private Advantage. It is first agreed and settled among them, what suspected Persons shall be accused of a Plot: Then, effectual Care is taken to secure all their Letters and other Papers, and put the Owners in Chains. These Papers are delivered to a Set of Artists, very dextrous in finding out the mysterious Meanings of Words, Syllables and Letters. For Instance, they can decypher a Close-stool to signify a Privy-Council; a Flock of Geese, a Senate; a lame Dog, an Invader; the Plague, a standing Army; a Buzzard, a Minister; the Gout, a High Priest; a Gibbet, a Secretary of State; a Chamber pot, a Committee of Grandees; a Sieve, a Court Lady; a Broom, a Revolution; a Mouse-trap, an Employment; a bottomless Pit, the Treasury; a Sink, a C---t; a Cap and Bells, a Favourite; a broken Reed, a Court of Justice; an empty Tun, a General; a running Sore, the Administration.
When this Method fails, they have two others more effectual; which the Learned among them call Acrosticks and Anagrams. First, they can decypher all initial Letters into political Meanings. Thus, N, shall signify a Plot; B, a regiment of Horse; L,. a Fleet at Sea. Or, secondly, by transposing the Letters of the Alphabet, in any suspected Paper, they can discover the deepest Designs of a discontented Party. So for Example, if I should say in a Letter to a Friend, Our Brother Tom has just got the Piles; a Man of Skill in this Art would discover how the same Letters which compose that Sentence, may be analysed into the following words: Resist, ----- a Plot is brought home ----- The Tour. And this is the Anagrammatick Method.
The Professor made me great Acknowledgments for communicating these Observations, and promised to make honourable Mention of me in his Treatise...
28.Reality Control and 20.Thought Police & Snitches and 36.Hate Week Volunteerism and 35.The Brotherhood and CONSPIRACY THEORIES
GULLIVER'S TRAVEL TRUTHS
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